One of our many pumpkin carvings. Drew is a great scooper.

I used to love looking ahead at the months, holidays, days off, etc.  I wrote every tiny event on my calendar.  I think it gave me a sense of accomplishment.  I would say that most people have plans for their lives.  And they might be similar to my plan: graduate college (check); get married between ages a – b (check); have a stable teaching job (check); have baby one at age x, baby 2 at age y, baby 3 at z, and then adopt a child or two; retire asap; rock on the front porch until the kids put me in a nursing home; fly away to heaven at a ripe old age in my sleep.  That was it.  I know; nothing grand, but it was exactly what I wanted to do.  Life didn’t go as planned.  Now, when I hear someone discuss their plan I have the urge to start a lawn mower, turn up the radio, or fly a jet overhead.  Why should your life go as planned when my life didn’t?  When your plans are trashed, the last thing you want to hear is someone else’s plan that consists of what you wanted.

It has been a difficult week for me.  It’s really sinking in that the ‘best days’ of my life are behind me.  Some people refer to high school as the best days of your life; others will say college, or when they first left the nest were the best days of their lives.  Thank goodness those weren’t true for me.  I was living in the best days of my life, from my first date with Drew right up to June 25, 2012.  I don’t expect to ever be as happy as I was with Drew, here on earth.  I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to spend that time with him—to know true love, to give and receive it.  I know not everyone has that chance.  However, compared to those bright, sunshiny days, the future looks dim.  I can’t look forward to milestones like most moms.  Every event that I would’ve been excited about with Ruby will be a bittersweet one because her Daddy won’t be there.  Yes, there will be joy, but there won’t be that glow of happiness that usually accompanies young motherhood.  And ultimately, it breaks my heart that Ruby won’t know the me that I was when I was with Drew, until we’re all together again.

God’s plan is not my plan.  However, He does promise that all things work together for good for those who love Him.  I don’t expect to see it all worked for good until I’m on the other side, but it does provide a peace knowing that’s the direction God is taking things.

So, needless to say, I no longer have a plan.  I don’t know what God’s going to do with my life.  Rather than having a plan, I, like the famous Martin Luther King, Jr., have a dream.  I call it a dream instead of a plan because I have no idea when or where it will happen; it’s just what I look forward to.  My dream consists of blinding lights, deafening trumpets, and Jesus thundering through the clouds with open arms.  And behind Him are the Saints (Christians) who have gone before us.  When I see my Savior in all of His splendor, I will also see Drew.  Isn’t it cool how God planned that?  And then I will be lifted up (weightless for the first time!) and join the heavenly armies.

1 Thessalonians 4:15-18 According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.