Dear Carter,

You must realize that God does know the deepest desires of our hearts, even more than we know them.

I had forgotten, or maybe never realized, what I missed out on with Ruby as an infant.  There were parts of motherhood that were void because of heartache and loss from Drew’s unexpected absence.  Two and half years later, God uses you, my Deliciousness, to restore what the locusts had destroyed, and I’m so thankful!IMG_1993-2

Carter, thank you for being:

my happy baby.   God sent you to me when I had the capacity to be truly happy again.  Although you aren’t all smiles yet, this still makes you my happy baby.

my sweet dreamer.    I love afternoon naptime, when the house is quiet {Goodnight, Sweet Ruby} and I can drown in your shallow breathing on my neck and the purrs of your baby dreams.  There is no trace of heartache when I hold you; complete satisfaction.

my baby-on-the-go.  By now you know, it takes us a good 3 hours to get out the door (on a day I have to wash my hair).  However, it’s so nice that the hold up is not from me having to reapply makeup due to grief’s unpredictable melt downs.  Leaving the house “on time” is a constant battle, but we eventually make it out the door.  And if there are tears, they’re yours or your sister’s =).  And neither one of you wear makeup, so that’s fine.  With that being said, you are a great traveler so far.  I love taking you places.  You’re getting heavy fast, but I still enjoy lugging you around in the carrier or Moby wrap while holding Ruby’s hand.

my conversation starter.  I actually enjoy it when people want to stop me in Publix, at church, or anywhere else to get a peek at you, coo in your face, and tell me how cute you are.  I don’t have to worry about questions (or pitiful looks, sympathy, etc.) that will make my insides collapse.  “Oh, this adorable baby?  Yes, he’s mine!”

my I can do it! baby.  Although the high-pitched wail initially sparks anger (sorry, it’s my natural emotion when startled from sleep), I am able to get up at multiple hours of the night, change you, feed you, watch you play, and put you back in bed all by myself!  {pat on back}  AND even wake up with Sister Sweetness to potty, wipe a booger, get the throw up bowl, or put socks on cold feet—whatever HRH needs.  Some nights, you and Ruby make me think I could survive boot camp!  OohRah!

my lookin’ good baby.  Selfishly, one of the most pleasant surprises from adopting you is the, “How old is he?  You look great!” type of comments.  Obviously, these come from people who are unaware that I didn’t carry you or deliver you.  I never got that with Ruby… #babyweight #stucktome #likehaironagorilla  So, thank you for the confidence boost, baby boy!

my hand-placed miracle.  One day you’ll understand how the conception of life is an absolute miracle; but conception and then redirection of you to our family—that’s a whole different kind of miracle!

I love you.  Thank you for being my cause for restored early motherhood!  xoxoxo

10 thoughts on “Dear Carter,

  1. Happy news. When I feel weak I will think of you and your strength. Can’t wait to meet Carter. Love you, BK

  2. Once again your love and ability to share surpasses anything I have ever seen. God continues to use you to inspire ALL of us! I’m so proud of your strength and trust in our Lord🙏

  3. This made me smile and of course I had happy tears streaming down my face. You are so precious and so is Ruby and little Carter. I hope I run into you all someday while out shopping or running errands so I can meet this little guy . You are so right….the Lord’s timing is perfect in ALL things and I praise and thank Him for the beautiful example that you are to so many people. May He give your Family the desires of your heart, and continue to bless all of you. As always…my prayer verse for you…Psalm 91:11

  4. Allison, Life is all about choices, and you have made wise ones. Ruby and Carter are so lucky to be raised in a Christan home with such a loving mom. I am so proud of you!
    Your “Auntie”. PW

  5. Like other Linda said…. Happy tears streaming down my face. You are so strong. Your words are inspirational genius oozing out of your fingertips. Love.

  6. Allison,
    You are such an inspiration to everyone who has the pleasure of knowing you. Ruby and Carter are blessed beyond measure to have you as their mommy! 🙂

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