This picture is one of my favorites of Drew. It was originally a colored photo, but I hope Chris Barr doesn’t mind that I applied a black and white filter because my hair, at the time, was Cinderella yellow. Not much has changed. Well, my hair color has changed, but that needed to happen. But regarding Drew MacLean, I still love everything about him. The way he danced with me, the way he smiled, and how he hardly ever smiled without laughing. And this photo captures all of that.
I often look at my present situation and think, “How did I end up here?” Alone, but not really alone. Then I turn around and see this face and this face
(in my cool, new minivan). If I had time to linger in this question, I would. If I had time to analyze my entire situation, I bet I could come up with a way to write it all in a book. But I don’t have that kind of time now. So, I just keep my eyes on the road and continue singing along with “Hello Dolly” or our “Jesus Music,” as Ruby calls it.
The short answer is that it’s God’s grace that brought me here. It’s His pouring out of love and mercy that sustain me. Over the past year, I’ve learned that the most important thing I can do is to pray for my children. That’s my number one job right now. The Holy Spirit has guided me in specific ways to pray for each of them. And bless his heart, Carter gets extra prayers. For my sanity. As a result of those prayers, God has provided abundant love for me to pour out on Carter in those trying times. I’m not saying I never lose my patience. I’m not perfect yet; but the forgiveness is there, and we’re understanding each other more and more. My sweet, hard-headed, fearless little boy whose current favorite hobby is flushing toilets–God will do a mighty work through you one day!
Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder “What would Drew think, say, or do about (fill-in-the-blank)?” It’s mostly the things that I find funny or odd…like Ruby’s self-selected outfits or Carter recently discovering his nipples. And I feel like he would’ve rolled his eyes at first, but I’m sure Drew would be totally supportive of my implementation of essential oils into the home. And there’s no doubt in my mind that he would be asking about the unfinished crochet projects around the house. But that’s okay, because one day I will have time again. And one day we will have time again–together.
No, I don’t have everything I want, but I’m thankful for what I do have. And I will keep asking, in faith, for what I want.