How I miss bear-hugging my Dewz.

I distinctly remember getting an attitude with God just days after Drew went Home. Shattered and desolate, I got angry and honest. I was rooted firmly enough in my faith to know that “He is my Rock,” “He will never leave you nor forsake you,” “All things work together for good for those who love God,” etc. And although I was standing on this Rock, it was a lonely, pointless, and seemingly hopeless rock. I pretty much shook my finger at God and demanded that He live up to His word; that He follow through with all of those promises because I saw no light, felt no love, felt cold and lifeless, with no desire to breathe the next breath. This type of attitude toward the Holy One may be viewed as blasphemous. Looking back, I think God was pleased that I put Him to that challenge. It gave Him all the more room to shine.

Before the accident, I read the Bible, listened to preaching, memorized specific verses, and applied them to my life. I was reading and interpreting the Bible the only way I knew how, as a two-dimensional map. It was flat, but I understood it well enough to navigate my life according to it. Or I thought I did.
Two verses on my mind this morning:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Questioning: But what do your promises mean now, God? Did I not delight myself enough in You? Is this your idea of not harming Drew? Is this your prosperous plan—for me to be a widow and single mother at age 26? And what about Drew’s future?

Whiling questioning Him, the Holy Spirit began to reveal people who had the right to ask these same questions. A few examples: innocent children dying daily from starvation or disease or abortion—what about their hope? They didn’t even get to live long enough to plan a future. Or victims of genocide, even God’s chosen people—ridiculed, humiliated, tortured and killed in camps, gas chambers, death marches. Was that the desire of their hearts?

{God’s Word is alive and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. It is alive, meaning it continues to create meaning to those who read it, even 1,000’s of years after being penned.}

While pondering these questions, the God-breathed scripture began to change form. My eyes were opened. The hope was no longer a flat, lifeless hope, e.g. “Drew is in a better place.” (which, btw, offers little to no comfort when you know NOTHING about the better place). God’s words are rich and beautiful beyond comparison; there are layers upon layers of truth and meaning! This flat map I’d read all my life suddenly had dimension. Through the lense of eternity, I could see the contour of the land—the mountains, valleys, deserts. What hope there is in the texture! in God’s multi-dimensional language!

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Realization: We are sojourners, traveling through a foreign land. This is not Home; this life is but a vapor. Just like God Himself, His Words and Promises extend the duration of this life!

What this means: God knows very well (and will grant me) the desires of my heart.  It is probable that some of this may occur on the other side of eternity.  God promises I will prosper and not be harmed, and He means it.  No power of Satan or man can harm a child of God.  He has a glorious future for Drew (who is still alive and serving God in a greater capacity than I can fathom) and for me and Ruby too.  And one day that future will be together.  For all of those who have suffered, and even for those little ones whose dream were never even realized, God knows them and receives great pleasure in giving good gifts to His children.  His Word will not, and cannot, return void. How ridiculous that I put God in a box and expect life to go perfectly as I had planned in this fallen world.

Yes, “God will restore the years the locusts have destroyed” (#LOVETHATVERSE), but it might not be here.

Now I know in part, then I will know fully. (#cantwait)

Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly!